I don’t mind if it wasn’t the time whose wrong.
I don’t mind if your feeling isn’t mutual.
I don’t even mind, really, if it’s me, the reason you walked away from whatever we had.
But you said yourself, it wasn’t me.
It was you and the timing. And we were just not meant to be together. Yet, you said. Maybe later, God knows when, you said.
I quoted, “If I have moved on, we’d be in a relationship by now,”.
It’s for the best, you said. You don’t wanna hurt me, and bravely, I said that it takes more than this to hurt me. Oh, such a liar. I am. For a second there, I let you see how vulnerable I really am. How easy it really is, to break my taped-heart. Yes, it is taped. And you didn’t even pay attention. I was sitting naked (not naked ‘naked’, you perv readers), offering you what’s left of me. Yet, you didn’t realize. You were so busy talking, thinking, sitting, smoking, you couldn’t see how shameful I was. Just to admitted that I like you, it takes a lotta courage. And yes, you don’t know. Let me re-phrase. You don’t want to know.
Again, I’m here, making one promise. That I’ll wait, for don’t ask me when. I’ll stop when I can stop thinking about you. I’ll stop when I stop care. I’ll push myself to stop when you have someone else in your life. It’s always the past that hold you back. I can not let myself chasing a future with someone who still chasing his past. I chose to wait. Again, don’t ask me how long. Because for God’s sake, I don’t even know!
A friend asked me why. Why did I choose to wait instead of moving on. I replied :
You said you know me so well, you should have known that it has never been easy for me to fall. In or out of a feeling like this. When I fall, I fell hard. This is one of so many risks I must take when I know I like him. Why should I wait? Because he might be the one that I was looking for. Even if he is not, I just don’t wanna waste my time with another man. I’m tired and need a rest. I need a break. Waiting maybe the right moment to have some break.
P.S : If you read this, which I believe you won’t, I just wanna tell you something..
I could be gone, leaving you and our unfinished business. But I’m here. Waiting. For a moment, please stop thinking too much about your past. Let. It. Go. Despite your past and your absurd feelings, what’s holding you? But as I said before, take your time. Heal, live, breathe. While you do that, I’ll watch from distance. Like I always do. 🙂